The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and click here for more testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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