The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In anonymous addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay males wish to find out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or helpful hints not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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